I put God first, but only with words.
“I love you, Lord. I’ll follow you.”
But with my actions, I made a god of myself.
I made a god of being in control, of self-created paths.
I made a god of achievement and status.
I made a god of relationships and heartbreak.
I made a god of drunkenness
When I plummeted to the abyss of my despair,
I did not discover rock bottom or the end.
Instead, I fell upon Your mercy.
You saved me
after I turned my back on you.
I chose a road built upon sin and pebbled with chaos.
I marched in darkness toward my own death
before you gripped my shoulder and ceased to let go.
You saved me. It confused me.
"Lord, after everything how could I possibly deserve this grace?"
The truth is
Christ died so I wouldn't have to.